Caret Initio Et Fine
by faulted
Summary: Two years after the war Heero is suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...but it's not because of the memories he has from the war alone. What happened to him since the pilots last saw him to make him this way? Hurt/Comfort 1x2


Tears streamed down his face as sobs choked his breathing. Images kept flashing before his eyes, full of blood, pain and fear and humiliation. His knees gave out and he collapsed against the wall of the shower, feeling the cold of the tiles seeping into his skin as the hot water pounded down upon his aching, weak body from above and then he suddenly, violently vomited into the bottom of the tub. A soft keening wail issued from his throat and he forced his head to turn away from the sight of the contents his stomach had just heaved as they swirled away down the drain. His hand raked desperately against the wall, trying for purchase even though he felt too weak to pull himself up.

Suddenly there was a pounding on the door and his head snapped up in alarm.

"Heero! Heero are you ok in there? Answer me!" 

It was Duo. Heero's body shook in fear of what would happen if Duo found out that he'd been puking in his bathtub and crying his eyes out in humiliation, giving himself over to the fear that constantly ate away at him. His knees shook and wobbled as he quickly forced his body to stand up, nearly ripping the shower curtain down in his haste to grab something when he almost slipped while stepping out. His body was wracked with a shudder of fear when he thought of what Duo would do to him if he discovered that Heero had ruined his bathroom fixtures. 

He stumbled across the bathroom, trying to make it to the door, but halfway there he gasped in realization that Duo would likely smell the stench of vomit and punish him for it. He made a dive to the cabinet beneath the sink and as quietly as possible searched for the canister of air freshener, but for the life of him couldn't find it. Tears stinging his eyes and breaths coming in desperate pants he whirled around and grabbed for the shampoo out of the shower. He squeezed a big glob into his hand and frenziedly worked it into his hair, hoping the smell of that would overwhelm Duo, before setting the bottle down on the counter and rushing to the door. 

He opened the door a crack only to see Duo's hand come rushing towards him again, ready to launch into another volley of banging. But then Duo's eyes caught sight of him and a large smile spread across his face.

"Are you okay in there, buddy?" he asked innocently.

Heero stared at him, soapy bubbles from his hair dripping down the side of his face as he tried to clear his throat so that he could answer. But his throat was too tightly constricted by terror, so he forced himself to nod instead. 

Duo's grin broadened. "That's good," he said, "the guys and I were worried that you might fall asleep in there, you know since you haven't really been getting on in the night time that well anymore…"

His voice trailed off and Heero shivered, looking away. They had all witnessed his nightmares at one point or another, and Heero knew it was only a matter of time before they acted out revenge against him for ruining their sleep. He swallowed hard, too scared to meet Duo's eyes and tried to voice an apology, but once again his throat was still stuck tight and nothing came out when his mouth opened. 

Duo cocked his head to the side and looked at him with a frown on his face that made Heero's body tense in anticipation for a blow. He made himself avert his eyes to the carpet and force out a few words.

"I'm fine. Thank you."

Duo shifted in front of him, and Heero nearly flinched—it was all he could do to keep his body stiff and unyielding when every instinct was telling him to slam and lock the door behind him. The only reason he didn't do it was because he knew that Duo would be able to break through that meager barrier if he did…and it was better facing a dangerous Duo in the hallway than an angry one in a small room.

Heero shuddered a little at the terrifying thought of that, and then forced his body to still again. Duo watched him in silence and then finally sighed and started to turn away, dismissing him back to his shower.

"Holler if you need anything, ok? You know where to find us."

Heero hesitantly raised his eyes to watch the retreating back of the man who scared him so much, and let out a tiny sigh of relief that he had been holding in. But then Duo whipped around, looking straight at him, utterly freezing him in place with his amythest eyes that Heero could see practically glowing in the darkness of the hallway.

"Oh, and Heero? Don't forget about those special plans we made for tonight…"

There was a smile in his voice, and something else to. The combination made Heero shiver. He pulled back from the doorway and quietly let the latch slip in place once it was closed again. His body felt numb, as if nothing could touch him, or hurt him, at all, and he took a few unsteady steps back towards the raging shower and the two-foot high bathtub that his weak body could barely climb over. But then halfway there his knees gave out and for the second time that night Heero collapsed to the floor. Only this time he didn't get up.

He sat there, hands clutched in his shampoo-crusted hair, wrenching at his scalp and crying silently, hard, body-wracking sobs breaking through him. Confusion and despair lanced through his mind, along with all the questions he found himself constantly always chanting, every time he got a second to pause in his life and actually think about the state of things.

_Who am I? How did I get here? Wasn't there something before this?_

_Why can't I remember? _

_**Why can't I remember?!**_

_WHY?! Who am I, really? Please, please, somebody tell me…_

He didn't hear the latch on the door turning, or see the door swing open to admit a tall brunette with green eyes. But he did feel the vibrations in the floor beneath his knees a second before a strong hand descended upon his shoulder. But when it did Heero's head snapped up and he saw Trowa looming above him in the mirror, and he froze in fright, Trowa's steady gaze locking on his own.


End file.
